Aerie farms fence

From The Vashon Island Spirit: Aerie Farms Goes Silent

The Vashon Island Spirit

“All the local news you need to know!”

VASHON ISLAND, WA – January 13, 2006

Island residents who make use of Cemetery Road on their way to work may have noticed a lack of traffic entering and exiting the Aerie Farms facility in recent days. Whereas once a hive of action, the Farm, as it is called by Island residents, has fallen silent.

Since 1998, the Farm has been growing in activity, much to the dismay of mid-Islanders, who have been forced to compete with commuting mainlanders for road space, as well as the delicious savory scones and the Usuals (one egg, bacon and cheese on a Kaiser roll) from Brenda’s Bakery, which were often sold out before 7:30 am on a weekday. Apparently—and without any formal announcement—whatever has been going on at the Farm has concluded.

Several weeks ago, mid-Islanders may have noticed increased semi-truck activity in the area. Apparently, those trucks were carting away all of the equipment accumulated at the Farm for the past decade. The white-coated scientists who have worked at the Farm for years and are known to residents on a first name basis sometimes, have never betrayed the secrets held within the heavily guarded facility, leading some residents to nickname the Farm, “the Chocolate Factory,” a reference to the famous Roald Dahl children’s book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

As of last Tuesday, activity at the farm has ceased entirely. Armed guards no longer roam the fence perimeter, and personal vehicles are no longer parked on the old pasture. The acrid odor of chemicals no longer permeates the neighborhood.

While some have speculated on the nature of the business conducted at the Farm, a definitive answer has never been given by the owners of the facility, Prometheus Industries, a company whose ownership roster boasts quirky billionaire genius, Barry Goff. A spokesman for Prometheus has declined to comment.

In a 1998 article, an investigative reporter from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer suggested that illegal genetic experiments were being conducted in the Farm laboratories. The story was later retracted and the newspaper’s editorial staff was compelled to issue an apology. The article’s reporter was arrested for trafficking in child pornography, when thousands of illicit and disturbing photographs were found on his personal computer. The reporter later died in prison, a victim of so-called “prison yard vigilantism.”

It is unclear what the future holds for the Aerie Farm facility and acreage. At this time, however, area residents are relieved to enjoy an abundance of savory scones and the Usual egg sandwiches from Brenda’s Bakery.

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